"Did I say that out loud?"

I wish I could forget you.
Erase you from my mind.
But ever since I met you,
I find, I cannot leave the thought of you behind.
That doesn't mean I love you...
I wish that I could love you...

I know that I've upset you,
I know I've been unkind.
I wanted you to vanish from sight,
But now I see you in a different light.
And though I cannot love you,
I wish that I could love you.

For now I'm seeing love like none I've ever known.
A love as pure as breath, as permanent as death.
Implacable as stone
A love that, like a knife, has cut into a life
I wanted left alone.
A love I may regret, but one I can't forget.

I don't know how I let you so far inside my mind,
But there you are and there you will stay
How could I ever wish you away?
I see now I was blind.

And should you die tomorrow,
Another thing I see.
Your love will live in me.

I lived my life in shadow
Never the sun on my face
It didn't seem so sad, though
I figured that was my place
Now I’m bathed in light
Something just isn't right

I’m under your spell
How else could it be
Anyone would notice me?
It's magic, I can tell
How you set me free
Brought me out so easily

I saw a world enchanted
Spirits and charms in the air
I always took for granted
I was the only one there
But your power shone
Brighter than any I’ve known

I’m under your spell
Nothing I can do
You just took my soul with you
You worked your charm so well
Finally, I knew
Everything I dreamed was true
You made me believe...

The moon to the tide
I can feel you inside

I’m under your spell
Surging like the sea
Wanting you so helplessly
I break with every swell
Lost in ecstasy
Spread beneath my willow tree
You make me complete...

If there's a prize for rotten judgement
I guess I've already won that
No man is worth the aggravation
That ancient history,
Been there done that

No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no

It's too cliche
I won't say I'm in love

I thought my heart had learned its lesson
It feels so good when you start out
My head is screaming get a grip, girl
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out

No chance, no way
I won't say it, no, no

This scene won't play,
I won't say I'm in love

You're way off base
I won't say it
Get off my case
I won't say it

....
Girl, don't be proud
It's okay you're in love
At least out loud,
I won't say I'm in love

The Nysgods are a beautiful race. And they’re everywhere. If you ever see a person with an other-worldly prettiness that you just can’t quite figure out, they’re probably a Nysgod. But don’t try to get them to admit it. The Nysgods will never admit to anything.

That’s one of the first things I learned about them.

Another was that they’re stubborn. Veeeeeery set in their ways. And I guess, if I were pushing five thousand years old, I’d probably be a little bit of a stick in the mud too. I mean, if it’s worked for the last several millennia, why change it now? “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” am I right? Although, I guess, they’d probably put it more eloquently. I’m not very good with words. But the Nysgods? They’ve had time unending to master the art of stringing together sentences like pearls on a strand.

Now, personally, if I had that much free time, I don’t think I’d be interested in words. They’re not my favorite thing. I’ve always preferred science. It really isn’t all that different from poetry, most people just don’t recognize that. I mean, consider, for example, the atom. The basic building block of life. Sure, it’s too small to see, but it’s in everything. And atoms are perfectly balanced. There’s always the right number of protons to go with the right number of electrons. Symmetry. How is that not beautiful?

Unfortunately, the same can’t be said for the Nysgods. Every proton has its electron. But not every Nysgod has his other half. Which is how the trouble really started…

I was told that when writing in a journal, I shouldn't think of it as writing in a journal. Instead, I should try and treat it like meeting and talking to a friend. I'm not sure if that'll work, or if it's just crazy troll logic, but I suppose I've got nothing to lose by trying. As it is, my exploits into the world of introspection have been a dismal failure. Here it goes:

Hello. My name is Casey Elsbeth Dikawa. As I write this, I am twenty two years old and I live in the Phoenix House. My birthday is August third.

That part was easy. It was just statistics, but now I suppose I should provide some details, as is generally required when making a new friend.

I was born in Senva, a village east of Harper Palace. My father was Trey Dikawa, the younger brother of Shaldani's monarch, Darla Dikawa. My mother was Laura Deanverre, his wife, young enough to be his daughter, but then again, that's the way royalty works. You see, I was an accident. The reason my father married so late in life was because they were taking every possible measure to prevent him from having children. They were afraid it would mess up the order of succession, which rightfully falls on Darla's daughters. Nevertheless, I still happened. Never, not once in my entire life, have I been thoroughly convinced that Trey is really my father, but that's another matter.

Looking back over what I've written, I realize it's far too much of a confession to make on the initial meeting of a new friend, so I suppose I better stop before I get completely out of control. I suppose I should consider this journal entry a triumph, as I've actually gotten something accomplished. Why then, however, do I feel so unsettled?